Thursday, December 01, 2005

a picture is worth a thousand words, so you should be satisfied....

a letter to my fans

several of you have expressed your dissatisfaction with my lack of posts this quarter. it's not that i have nothing to say, but too much. sometimes emotions can't be expressed in words, or shouldn't be expressed on the internet. when i've had a chance to process and i'm no longer living in a community where i would rather spend time with people than alone composing blogs, then you might get more details. for now, you'll just have to see me in person to get the low down.

Monday, September 19, 2005

we did it!


that's how my journey ended. it began three months ago as a decision to run a half marathon. i'd just broken up with my boyfriend and was determined to spend my summer enjoying my freedom, taking care of myself, abiding in the Lord, and nurturing my friendships. i never thought of myself as much of a runner. i did it because it was good exercise, never because it was my passion. but, as i began to train for the race, i discovered a joy in my time alone with the Lord, enjoying creation, challenging the body He gave me, and praising Him for His abundant provision.

saturday, my best friend and i completed the heartbreak ridge half marathon at camp pendleton. it was an unforgettable experience and a personal triumph. now i see it as one of many steps in my journey. up next, a marathon and triathlon in 2006. i hope to continue to run with perseverance the race marked out for me.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

somewhere inbetween

in three months i am leaving. leaving my church. leaving my school. leaving my job. leaving my neighbors. leaving my small group. leaving los angeles.

leaving the life i've known for seven years.

but right now i am still here.

what does this mean?

i've invested in so many lives. it is hard knowing that many of these relationships are only for a season that is changing. on one hand, i want to make the most of every opportunity i have with the people in my life while i am here. on the other hand, i know that deepening my relationships will only make the seperation more painful.


Saturday, September 10, 2005

"i never thought i'd end up here, never thought i'd be standing where i am"

lighthouse rocks. their voices and lyrics melt my heart and i've always wanted to see them live. tonight i met my favorite family (besides my own, of course) at the L.A. county fair to see them in concert. we had, which i considered to be, pretty good seats in the grandstands for $15. one song into the concert, however, an usher came up to our party and offered us wristbands that got us onto the floor level because they hadn't sold all of the seats. we ended up right in the front row, just feet from the band! we danced and sang at the top of our lungs and cheered and jumped up and down and praised the Lord (and admired His handiwork in the lead singer).

"could you tell me how could it be any better than this?"

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

i can't believe i get paid for this

Monday, August 08, 2005


i remember the first time i referred to southern california as "home." it was my freshman of college and i was in sacramento visiting my family for thanksgiving. although we didn't discuss it, i know that my parents and i both noticed the word slip from my mouth. those four letters were full of meaning. i was building friendships and a sense of community in los angeles, while severing connections to sacramento.

i remained close to my family throughout my years at ucla, but not to my hometown. as i got to know l.a, the city became my own. i discovered where to park for free in westwood (above hollywood video), where to get candy samples for 10 cents (ralphs), which penguins sells the best fro yo (the one on westwood boulevard-- you'd think they'd all be the same, but that's not the case), which movie theater offers the greatest student discounts (century city), and where to get an oil change with a free car wash (on the sep). most importantly, i found a church where i connected with other believers in authentic relationships and felt completely free to worship for the first time in my life.

my experiences in southern california spread out from ucla to the san bernardino mountains, (i got to know the 10 freeway quite well), and from there to pasadena (now i'm an expert of the 210--don't drive too fast east of pomona!). i have friends who live from san diego to bakersfield and from redondo beach to yucaipa. i know the families in my neighborhood and all the local places to to go. until recently, this was home. i missed my family, but i thought that if i was going to live close to them, they would have to move down south.

in the last few months, all of this changed. in the past when i was in sacramento for a visit, my dad would mention--partially joking, but also with a hint of hope-- that i could always move back to sacramento and get my teaching credential. to me, the suggestion was not even an option; that is, until the last time i was up there. this time when he made the same offer, i took him up on it.

i'd become homesick not only for my family, which was an ache that never went away, but for my hometown as well. i realized how much i missed the changing seasons, (even though i complain that it's too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter) the beauty of the american river bike trail, the open spaces, the family-friendly atmosphere, and the opportunities to explore the bay area and lake tahoe on day trips. i had to go back.

i have become a visitor in southern california, feeling like i am enjoying the rest of my vacation before it is time to return home. i had a tinge of melancholy recently at a party, surrounded by amazing friends who i know i have to leave behind. i realized, however, that even if i stayed here, the people would change. fuller is a transitional community. within a few years, most people will have moved on. i long to be in a stable place where i can put down roots.

i don't know anyone in sacramento besides my family. because it's been seven years since i've lived there, i will have to learn the local secrets. what is the best coffee shop for studying? which thrift stores have the best deals? where do local bands play? what restaurants have happy hour? where can you get good frozen yogurt? i know it will take time to find a church community and develop intimate relationships. it will be a hard transition, but i am looking forward to the investment. ultimately, my home is with the Lord; for now i know he is leading me back to sacramento.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

delicious dilemma

animal cookie or rootbeer float? 21 choices had two of my favorites tonight. they don't really go together, so i had to pick one. life is hard.